too many Daves

I signed up to register my blog. It seemed/seems like a perfectly decent idea. The next step involves verifying that I am the author of my blog. I do this, apparently, by inserting a code in a blog post. So, um, …

Go to the door of the teriyaki place at 125th and Greenwood. Walk 13 paces to the west. You will find a storm drain. Drop to your knees and go into a headstand. Not a handstand. A headstand. A headstand directly on the storm drain. Yes, it will hurt. But this will all be over soon.

Once you hold the headstand for 11.7 seconds, a trained albino meerkat will poke its left paw up through the storm drain. It will be clutching a refurbished first-generation iPhone. You will hear a beep. Upon hearing the beep, clear your throat thrice. Then say 3AVZAGTMEVNC. If your code transmits successfully, the meerkat will activate the iPhone’s Smule ocarina app and play a haunting rendition of “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers.

You are free to weep.

Sing along with the first chorus, but nothing more. If you give in to the urge to sing “son, I’ve made my life out of reading people’s faces,” all we can say is that your life will get very bad very soon and, really, the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

Conversely, if you follow these instructions exactly, you may rise from your headstand and enter the teriyaki place. A reputedly delicious eel “Ichi Roll” will be waiting for you. After you finish the roll, Johnny Cash’s version of “The Gambler” will play on the restaurant’s sound system.

You’re welcome.

Order miso soup and await further instructions.